Journal No.4 - A Room of One's Own - Spring 2021


A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN…VIRGINIA WOOLF MADE THE PHRASE FAMOUS, AND IT IS AN IMPORTANT STATEMENT ABOUT HOW TO LIVE A CREATIVE LIFE.   WHEN I WAS 13, I STARTED TO FEEL THE NEED FOR A ROOM OF MY OWN, SO I MOVED MYSELF OUT OF THE BEDROOM I SHARED WITH MY SISTER,  AND INTO THE BASEMENT.   IN SPITE OF MY FEAR OF SPIDERS, AND DAMP AND DARK,  I INSTINCTIVELY KNEW I NEEDED A PLACE OF MY OWN.

I PROCEEDED TO DECORATE THE PLACE WITH ALL MANNER OF THINGS CURATED BY MY DEVELOPING AESTHETIC.  SEASHELLS WERE ARRANGED SPILLING OUT OF A BOX.  TOULOUSE LAUTREC PRINTS COVERED THE WALLS.  I MADE A TINY COZY CORNER WITH PILLOWS ON AN OLD STEAMER TRUNK.  THERE I WOULD SIT INTO LATE AT NIGHT READING AND DRAWING.  IT WAS MY SAFE PLACE TO TOTALLY BE MYSELF, NOT HAVING ANY INPUT FROM THE OUTSIDE, A TIME AND A SPACE WHERE MY REAL SELF COULD SURFACE, AND BREATHE….TO SORT OUT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, AND TO BEGIN TO DREAM.

OVER THE YEARS, I’VE MADE THAT SAFE PLACE FOR MYSELF A DOZEN TIMES, IN A DOZEN MAKESHIFT WAYS.  ONCE IN A GARAGE, ONCE,  OUT OF DESPERATION, IN A LARGE CLOTHES CLOSET, WHERE I HUNG FAIRY LIGHTS AROUND ME.  ONCE IN MY VOLKSWAGEN VAN, WHICH I OUTFITTED WITH CURTAINS AND A TINY DESK.   THESE PRIVATE SPACES HAVE SHRUNK AND EXPANDED MANY TIMES, BUT ALL WERE EQUAL TO THE TASK OF KEEPING MY MOST PRIVATE SELF ALIVE.

NOW I HAVE TWO WONDERFUL PRIVATE SPACES I CALL MY OWN, AND FEEL RICH WITH THE POSSIBILITIES OF SOLITUDE:  THE IMAGINATION, UNHAMPERED BY THE CRITIQUE OF OUTSIDE VOICES…THE PLAY OF THE INNER VISION, WITH NO IMPERATIVE TO BE PRACTICAL.   

MY STUDIO IS STUFFED WITH VISUAL TREASURES AND INSPIRING MATERIALS I HAVE ACCUMULATED OVER THE YEARS, BUT THAT’S ALL JUST WALLPAPER.  REALLY, I WOULD BE JUST AS HAPPY TO BE IN AN EMPTY ROOM WITH ONE CANDLE, AND MAYBE A PENCIL AND A PIECE OF PAPER, AND START ALL OVER AGAIN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM.  

DURING THESE STRANGE TIMES ITS EVEN MORE ESSENTIAL TO CARVE OUT FOR YOURSELF A PRIVATE SPACE, HOWEVER MODEST, AND SOME TIME ALONE.   GO THERE, AND LIGHT ONE CANDLE.   OPEN THE DOOR TO YOUR SECRET PLACE, AND START DIGGING.